all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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