mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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