Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize