dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
