And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
