Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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