I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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