my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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