If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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