who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
