So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
