I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
