Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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