I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
