you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
