What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
