smell my finger.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
