Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
