I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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