quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
