Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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