Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
