At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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