i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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