bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
