whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
