On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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