I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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