i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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