Your face is a jimmy john
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
