I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
