Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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