tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
