You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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