just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
