Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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