Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
