I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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