Screwed.edu
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
