Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
