I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
