At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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