My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
