So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
