she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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