you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
