Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
