bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
