Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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