We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
