i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found the puke drawer
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
