I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
