Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
