Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
