At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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