Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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