Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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