i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
