I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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