theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
