Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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