We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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