Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize