Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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