well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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