You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
