how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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