i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize