My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
