first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
