I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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