Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
