thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
